Torn Between Two Sides
by Eleanor Larathiel
Summary: During a war, you never want to be involved. For fear of life, for fear of betrayal, for fear of losing. During a war, you are always involved. There's no running away. Her dreams were shattered, her hopes destroyed. All Pyscia wants to do, is to survive.
1. Me, a Typical Day

Hey, this is my newest story; I hope it'll be better than the other two. I guess I just had to find something that would work and didn't have too many already set rules. Please review, everything is welcome!  
  
Disclaimer: (the usual again) deep sigh Unfortunately the world of Harry Potter and company does not belong to me, but to the great Rowling.

* * *

**Me, a Typical Day**   
  
I looked up from my book and placed it neatly on my lap, angrily folding my arms and staring back. Minutes slowly ticked by on the grandfather clock opposite me and our staring match was no different from when it started.  
  
"What the hell is there to stare at?" I asked finally. Idiot, he has done it so many times and I have put up with it. But not this time.  
  
"You are interesting to look at when you're reading." Came his smooth, but lame reply. Insufferable fool.  
  
"Well don't!" I snapped, "It's bloody annoying and for your information I'm studying, not reading. I would like to get a decent grade, what about you?" I added sarcastically.  
  
"Touch a nerve did I Pyscia?" he asked silkily giving me his charmingly arrogant smile. Charmingly arrogant? Why the hell did I say that? Must be the studying getting to my head.  
  
"Sev!" I heard a very familiar voice call; at this rate I would never memorize that Invisibility Potion. Shaking my head, I made a tutting noise.  
  
Why! Ours N.E.W.Ts were SO close, why won't they just shut up and study?  
  
"Problem Pyscia?" For Merlin's sake!!! Beyond my limit I stood up ready to depart to my dorm, where hopefully it'll be slightly more peaceful there. But not before I elbowed Severus nicely in the rib as I pushed past.  
  
"What the bloody hell was that for!?!" he yelled after me, rubbing his side. Good. It had the desired effect.

* * *

"She got something up her ass, she does." Lucius Malfoy stated as he seated himself luxuriously on the sofa, mentioning his friend Severus Snape to follow suite.  
  
"Might have something to do with the fact that no other than Sirius Black was ogling at her throughout the entire double potions." Came his reply, "And may I remind that he got 50 points docked and a weeks worth of detention?"  
  
"Ahhh... Sweet memories!" Lucius exclaimed, as if it were a memory of a happy Christmas party.  
  
"Yes, very true..."  
  
"But...." Lucius prompted.  
  
"Is of course a cause for concern." Severus finally said, not sure whether it'd be wise idea to bring it up.  
  
"Don't worry, Pyscia more able than we thinks she is. Her mother has some very powerful talents. Or that's what Narcissa said." Lucius said smoothly, not noticing the fatal mistake he made.  
  
"So on the topic of Narcissa..." Severus began teasingly.  
  
"Drop it!"  
  
"Alright!" Severus said shrugging, giving his annoying knowing little grin, "You said it!"  
  
"What about a topic we love so dearly!" Lucius suggested.  
  
"Yes!" Severus said sarcastically, and then going into a mock serious tone, "Let us discuss the best methods of harming, physically and mentally, the Gryffindors without much damage to our side and the least paperwork involved."  
  
"Excellent topic!" Lucius replied eagerly leaning and forward rubbing his palms together.

* * *

Only five minutes after seating myself behind my desk, the door was swung open and in came Narcissa, panting and flushed like she had run a marathon. Luckily those five minutes had been just enough to finish my memorization of the entire method of making and brewing the Invisibility Potion. Or I would not have been as understanding towards my best friend.  
  
"You will never guess what Lucius Malfoy just asked me!!!" she said seating herself opposite me and clasping my hands.  
  
"Do you remember the assignment that was set by McGonnagal?" I said in a serious tone.  
  
"No! Try again!" came her feverish reply.  
  
"Hmmm.... Let me see..." I said putting my hand to my chin in pretending to think, but really amusing myself with the anguish it was causing her.  
  
"I know! He asked you if you saw his book on the Dark Arts! He asked me that anyway..."  
  
"NO!!!" she screeched bouncing up so high that her golden head just brushed the bed hangings.  
  
"Or perhaps... He asked you to accompany him to Hogsmeade this coming weekend." the sarcastic, but very welcome voice of Hazel Haroldson said.  
  
"YES!!!" Narcissa screamed jumping from the bed and doing a little happy dance around the room.  
  
"Delirious if you ask me!" Hazel snorted.  
  
"I-mean-what-more-could-a-girl-wish-for!" she said jumping around in circles on the spot.  
  
"Well if you don't sit down honey, Lucius might think you are slightly insane." I smiled, trying to force her into a chair. "Hazel did you close the door on your way in?"  
  
"He thinks! She IS!!!" Hazel said standing up and giving the door a swift kick.  
  
"He comes from such a respectable family!" Narcissa started, "And he's the- "  
  
"Man of your dreams!" Hazel finished for her, having heard this countless times. "We know! WE KNOW!"  
  
"So you two will have to go without me and get me a dress robe, alright!" Narcissa pleaded, giving us her puppy look.  
  
"Obviously!" Hazel retorted, "You'd bring us too much shame if you went naked!"  
  
"Only if you let us be your bridesmaids!" I said.  
  
"Thank you so much!!! And of course you'll be my bridesmaids! I couldn't think of anyone better! " she yelled engulfing us with a hug, before lying back on her bed in dreamland.  
  
"If they get that far.." Hazel muttered. 

"Talking of dates..." she said slightly louder.  
  
"Yes!" Narcissa responded bolting upright again.  
  
"Regelus Black asked me to the Dance..." she replied smugly.  
  
"Really!!!"  
  
"YES!!!"  
  
"That is SO great!"  
  
"I know!"  
  
"Hazel you're infected!" I warned.  
  
"What is your problem?" Narcissa asked.  
  
"Too quiet for it to be normal." Hazel said, "Aren't you the one who gets exited and squeals over dates?"  
  
"I never 'squeal'! That's Cis's specialty."  
  
"Are you sick? Bad mark? Pet die? Gryffindors being a pain?" Came the flow of questions as Narcissa ticked them off on her fingers.  
  
"Close..." I murmured.  
  
"Which one?" Narcissa asked frustrated, "I listed four, surely not all!"  
  
"Last one."  
  
"_Sirius_ _Black_." Hazel said in an accusing voice.  
  
"What did he do to you!?" Narcissa asked with a sharp intake of breath.  
  
"Stared at her for the entire double lesson." Hazel read the accusation.  
  
"Bloody loser..." I muttered, "Thinks all girls will swoon over him."  
  
"Well he's got that wrong hon." Hazel said comforting, "He went wrong with the Slytherin Girls."  
  
"It's just bad luck Py!" Narcissa said brightly, "But on the bright side-"  
  
"There is none." I said moodily.  
  
"Severus was also giving you side glances, every so often."  
  
"She's right you know!" Hazel said noticing my silence.  
  
"Who cares about Severus's short attentoin span?" I said dully. Big lie... I would never admit though.  
  
"And to add to the silver lining..." Hazel said seeing that it wasn't cheering me up. "Black won't be able to go to Quidditch practice for a week, giving us the an extra _whole_ _week_ to work on new skills and strategies."  
  
"You know Professor Weining, he gives the most severe detentions to Gryffindors. They last on the average about five hours per night!" Narcissa declared.  
  
"Besides he probably won't stare at you anymore after scrubbing all the cauldrons by hand." Hazel said matter-of-factly.  
  
"And I could get Lucius to push him into line a bit." Narcissa said hopefully.  
  
"Those Gryffindors are really too much!" Hazel said viciously.  
  
"Someone should wipe out all those impurities." Narcissa said, "That is what farther said."  
  
"Especially Potter and his gang!" I declared, "And that flimsy whore, Evans, can go along with them."  
  
"Very precise, the Dark Lord is already seeing to it." Hazel said dreamily.  
  
My mother wouldn't have approved if she heard all this, even if she saw the folk in Gryffindor. Her ancestors came from a long line of Atlantic merpeople, they were rather peaceful serene creatures who passed their peaceful nature onto her. It was the reason that my father hadn't joined the Dark Lord. He loves my mother dearly and doesn't want to see her upset.  
  
He's head of the Auror Department in the ministry and so is at a rather difficult position. He and the Dark Lord have an unwritten truce. As long as he doesn't harm or kill any Death Eaters, he will leave us alone and exempt us from joining his ranks. My father was happy with this, but just to be extra precautious he did in fact now and then tell his friends about on going 'events' in the ministry...  
  
"Pyscia Maraquelle!" Hazel yelled, "I asked you a question!"  
  
"Oh, what... sorry!" I said quickly sitting up straight.  
  
"We were wondering if you too would like to use your talent to help us win more corridor duels." Narcissa informed me.  
  
"They are getting so pathetic, they like to catch Severus along with all our other fellow Slytherins when we are alone."  
  
"Ganging up are we Potter?" I said coldly, "So pathetic you can't duel properly? Only when your other mates are around?"  
  
"See our point Py, if you could just lure them once and do your little thing they will never try to set foot on _our_ ground again." Hazel asked hopefully.  
  
"No, I'm sorry I can't... My badge... and the staff would eventually find out." I began, but scenes of first year Slytherins getting bashed against walls and girls getting tied up by their plaits flashed across my mind, I flinched. "But if I see it I will act accordingly." I said finally.  
  
"You will not regret!" Narcissa said. "I promise!"  
  
"I doubt I will." I answered.

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A/N: Please review and once again everything is welcome. Pax be to all. 


	2. Old Crushes Never Die

Oh gosh! I can't believe it... some people actually like it!!! Hehe thanks for all your reviews, it means so much to me! And a special thank you to Rain Warrior, who beta-read this for me. (English is not my first written language.)  
  
And yes I know, my story is sort of full of dialogue, it's just my style ok!  
  
Disclaimer: Oh ok... (I'm getting bored of this part) the world of Harry Potter does NOT belong to me etc.

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**Old Crushes**** Never Die**   
  
I saw her and that Hazel-girl walk out of the Great Hall, chatting and laughing merrily. If I wanted this to happen, I had to do it now. It was my last chance. I swore to myself I was going to ask her yesterday when she was reading, or as she put it 'studying'. But then again I have sworn agreements like this so many times before, it'd probably go back to the beginning of fourth year. It was when the headmaster told us that there was to be a Christmas Dance, that I swore to myself that I would ask her, Pyscia Maraquelle, to go with me. As a date. I feel so stupid even thinking about it... But every time I look at her it's like... Merlin, let's not go into that. It'd make my brain malfunction and I'll just be blabbing nonsense to her and who knows what will happen? I don't even want to think about it.  
  
Pulling up all my courage I leisurely strolled after them, only greeting them as Margus, the caretaker, checked that they had consent to go.  
  
"And may I ask where you two fine ladies might be going?" I asked slickly joining in the queue. I could have cursed myself for that, luckily not as bad as the 'you are interesting to watch while you're reading' excuse I made up the night before.  
  
"The moon, what about you?" Hazel said playing along, but adopting a nasty, sarcastic tone.  
  
"Hogsmeade." I said lightly, as if it were as normal as going to the moon, "I told Lucius I would meet him at the Three Broomsticks, care to join me? It's an awful lot closer than the moon."  
  
"Idiot." Hazel snorted, I couldn't care less, it was not her reply I was waiting for.  
  
"Yes, we would love to join you on your trip to Hogsmeade!" came the reply I had been waiting and hoping for. "He's right you know Hazel, walking to Hogsmeade will be a lot closer then walking to the moon, especially in these new shoes." She added lifting her cloak a bit to show her new heels.  
  
"Drop it." Hazel ordered, "Once is amusing, twice it's old and lame."  
  
"Well, someone got out the wrong side of bed today!" Pyscia said playfully, linking arms with Hazel, Merlin I wish that Hazel-girl would just go away!  
  
"I hate hail!" was her response, "Makes everything look gray and disgusting!"  
  
"I can't but agree!" I said slowly, feeling left out.  
  
"It better not hail on the night of the Dance!" Hazel said gloomily, "It would just spoil everything and I was hoping that everything would be perfect..." I couldn't have thanked Hazel more, it was all running to plan. Now if she just said that she had an escort to the dance too...  
  
"Why would it be perfect this time?" I asked, hoping that it would lead in that direction.  
  
"You know..." Pyscia began as if everyone should know, "Last year of school... gorgeous dress... perfect date..."  
  
"And who might this perfect date be?" I asked casually, hoping it didn't sound too obvious.  
  
"Regelus Black." Hazel said with a deep dreamy sigh.  
  
"She is all over him." Pyscia said in an undertone.  
  
"And you?" I asked smoothly, well hopefully it sounded smooth, "Who might you be going with?"  
  
"No one..." Pyscia said slowly. He shoots, he scores!  
  
"Surely some gentlemen would ask a lovely lady such as yourself to the Dance!" I said in a polite but shocked voice.  
  
"She rejected everyone." Hazel answered for her. "Besides she doesn't need anyone to go with! With her looks she always gets a partner for every dance."  
  
"Is that so?" I asked nearly choking on my own saliva. If that were it, it'd be lucky if I got one dance of her.  
  
"No..." she said slowly, "Just that all them who asked were not the ones I had in mind to go with."  
  
"Oh really?" I asked as if it were just an interesting piece of gossip I happened to hear.  
  
"Well..." this was it, my last chance, if I screwed this I would never forgive myself for the rest of my life. My future depended on it....  
  
Taking a deep breath I asked her casually "Would you care to accompany me then perhaps?"  
  
"More like you'll accompany her!" Hazel said, "She is the one who gets all the dances remember!"  
  
"Hazel shut up!" she said in an annoyed tone, then turning to me and looking up with her clear blue eyes she smiled, "Yes... I suppose.... I'd love to go with you to the dance Severus!" Holy Merlin!!! She said yes!! And what's more she said she's love to!!! You know what they say! Last time lucky!  
  
After some time of peering down at her, in the middle of a busy street mind you, I saw her eyes slowly change from a the clear blue colour to a soft greenish tint. It wasn't just one light shade of green, but many softly playing around in her eyes. I don't know.... But it some way or another reminded me of the sea, with little waves playing up onto the shore, giving it the soft greenish blue colour. But it wasn't only her eyes that changed colour, I could see a red blush creeping up her cheeks, quickly she dropped her eyes and turned around to Hazel to say something.

* * *

I could feel my cheeks grow hotter and hotter by the second. Why!!! I never blushed, never! This is SO embarrassing, only yesterday I was yelling at him and elbowing him and now I'm blushing at him? What is wrong with me? I could feel his dark eyes piercing mine and I quickly looked down and whispered to Hazel something lame like "Hehe, now we all have a date to the Dance!"  
  
"Yes we do!" she hissed back, "Now if you are out of your little delusion, then maybe you can take it into your head that we are at the robe shop."  
  
"Oh so we are!" I said slightly louder so that Severus might hear, then turning to him I said, "Well we're at the shop.... Unless you need to buy dress robes too, I would suggest that you go look for Lucius, we'll meet you all there at lunch alright!"  
  
"Sure! Bye!" he said casually and strolling of with his hands in his pockets.  
  
"Well here we are Py, now it's just a matter of entering!" Hazel snapped roughly pushing me through the door.  
  
"Ah ladies," an obnoxious, thin shopkeeper, "How may I help you?"  
  
"We are looking for dress robes." I said coldly.  
  
"Ah I see..." he said slightly taken aback, "Heroll! Please come and assist me with these two lovely ladies!" Just sugar coat it, huh. See if I don't make your day a glimpse of Hell.  
  
"Now what did you have in mind?" he asked politely, while his scrawny little assistant helped Hazel.  
  
"I had in mind a silk turquoise gown with a matching shawl." I stated coldy.  
  
"Ah...Yes... well we might just have the thing for you!" he said cheerfully, "Just finished making it today myself!" he added proudly leading me over to a colourful rack of robes arranged in the colours of the rainbow. Odious.  
  
"All of these are the same style and material but different colour as you can see." He said boastfully, running his hand along the various gowns. He was really getting over the top of it, he must have been a Gryffindor in his youth, or perhaps a Hufflepuff, he looks sort of dense.  
  
"I am not blind." I said coldy, hopefully this would discourage him from wasting my time with his little boastful talk.  
  
"Of course you're not miss!" he said pulling out the turquoise gown, "Voila!"  
  
"Well is it quite your taste?" he asked cautiously holding out the gown for me to look at.  
  
"Well the material and colour is perfect..." I began, "But the style is absolutely horrible!"  
  
"Yes you're right Py, darling." Hazel said peering over my shoulder. "My, my, my, no shape at all, just a straight sleeveless things. Despicable!"  
  
"My mother won't even give this to the maid to wear!" I said, looking at it in disgust, "And the shawl! Why it's of the same material as the thing! How appalling, as a tailor you would surely know that a shawl can be the same colour as the gown, but never the same material!"  
  
"Merlin, look at the size of the hips!" Hazel exclaimed reaching out and holding it like it was some contagious vermin. "May I suggest that you rename your shop to Madame Grande Ventre for the Ladies in Expecting."  
  
"Yes!" I exclaimed smugly, "That name would be just nice, I mean it would definitely attract more customers that way."  
  
"Well, Py what are we going to do?" Hazel asked disappointedly with a sigh, "I mean the Dance is next fortnight, Mother won't have time to buy the new material, sew it together and owl it over to Hogwarts!"  
  
"Well tell you what," I said, "We'll take three gowns and matching shawls of the same material, don't worry Hazel dear, we'll change them into something else, and see what we can do with them up in the castle. My aunt sent me a book on sewing charms for emergencies."  
  
"And this is an emergency!" Hazel added.  
  
"Send these dishrags up to the castle no later than tonight!" I snapped, picking another beige gown for Narcissa and trusting it at him. "Slytherin Tower, the name is Maraquelle. If it is late I will send someone down to fetch them. Understood!" and I stuffed a small bag of gold into his hands.  
  
"She means it." Hazel hissed as she added her baby pink gown to the pile. And stalked out of the shop after me.  
  
To our delight the shopkeeper, who claimed to be a tailor, and his scrawny little assistant looked so insulted and humiliated they were on the verge of tears. Serves them right, making a gown like this should be a punishable by law. Spineless fools.

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A/N: If you see any mistakes or things that are wrong, please tell me. Please review! All comments open! Pax be to all. 


	3. A Day Worth Remembering

Hey people! Thanks for reviewing, as I said before, it really means a lot to me! Ok just wanted to make a few things clear. This story was also an explanation why Severus is so cold and cruel. I didn't really believe anyone could be like that without a good reason. Severus has two, his screwed up childhood with prents who don't care a thing about him and now this story. It's not the main storyline, but just a little side thing. Ok some people asked where the name Pyscia comes from and no, Ramona-Eline I'm regretful to say that she is not psychic. But if you read carefully you can find out what she really is. (She's human don't worry.) There are hints every so often. Watch for one in this one. It's a big one.

Special Thank-You to Ramona-Eline! Who pointed out some very embarrassing typos.  
  
Disclaimer: the usual, (dull tone) the world of Harry Potter and fans does not belong to me....  
  
Btw, this was formerly part of the previous chapter, but it was too long and here's the result:

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**A Day Worth Remembering  
**  
"Why do you keep on turning around every alternate second? And sitting like your ass is on fire?" Lucius asked me, while ordering another fire whiskey for himself. Talk about refining manners.  
  
"I'm not turning around every alternate second Lucius and thanks for describing my sitting posture in such a way." I replied coolly, taking a drag from the purple liquid in my bottle. No, don't worry, I don't usually drink such heavy stuff in the morning, but I am celebrating.  
  
"You're not meeting someone, are you?" Narcissa asked peering curiously at me, with some hysteric interest.  
  
"Huh?" I asked shocked, completely caught off guard, why is it with all girls that they can read your mind? Or something close to it? Really, the first day I started Hogwarts I decided that all girls were annoying, terribly annoying. This was a classic example why. Well alright, not all girls, one exception. And no, it's not my mother. I hate that bitch.  
  
"So what's her name?" Narcissa asked getting all exited and leaning closer.  
  
"Who's name?" Lucius asked draining his goblet.  
  
I pretended not to know and shrugged innocently.  
  
"The name of the girl he is meeting Lucius." Narcissa said staring adoringly up into Lucius's face.  
  
"Ehhh...." I really didn't know what to say (which was rare for me), I mean if I said that she was my date, that was technically wrong as I didn't ask her to be my date. I just asked her to come with me to the Dance. And saying that I was meeting her here would be strange too, as obviously she's only coming because Narcissa is here. Then the door opened and a gush of cold air filled the bar, a few snow flakes fluttered in too landing on my head, no doubt making me look like a iced figure on some stupid Christmas cake. Hazel got her little wish, it had stopped hailing, hopefully she wouldn't whine about the snow as well. I looked to see who this annoying person was, too open the door so widely and coat us all with snow, when I saw the familiar locks of hair silhouetted against the white bright world outside. And she came in cheeks flushed a raw red colour from the wind and a few stray snowflakes that got stuck to her eyelashes. She looked around the bar and dragged Hazel in our direction. She was absolutely gorgeous, all wrapped up in a tangled cloak and her red cheeks, her balck curls bouncing with every step she took. Meanwhile Narcissa found out who my 'mystery girl' was (that's how she choose to call her) and grasped.  
  
"I knew it!!!" she said in an exited disgusting tone, clasping her hands together and following my gaze towards the entrance. "I saw you glancing at her throughout potions yesterday!"  
  
"My, my, my you two do make a sweet couple, Sev." Lucius commented getting me back for bringing up the topic of Narcissa last night.  
  
"We aren't even going out." I said bluntly, hoping that it would stop them. Boy was I wrong.  
  
"But you both have a thing for each other." Narcissa said in a silky teasing voice.  
  
"There you are!" Pyscia acclaimed seating herself next to me and pulling off her gloves.  
  
"A fire whiskey fast." Hazel commanded the bar tender.  
  
"Haze! It's only like eleven in the morning!" Py said shocked. I sheepishly hid the bottle I had been slurping from the last ten minutes.  
  
"Make that two." Hazel said ignoring Py, "And shove the second one in her direction."  
  
"Getting drunk so early in the morning are we Snivellus?" A taunting all too familiar voice asked from behind us.  
  
"What's this?" someone asked, grabbing the bottle of purple liquor I had been hiding behind my back.  
  
"Perhaps because he's so miserable, nobody likes him."  
  
"Give that back!" I snarled grabbing at the bottle, hoping Py didn't see it.  
  
"You're drunk and it's not even past midday!"  
  
"Potty, Traitor will you piss off!" wait.... Who said that? Did I hear it right? Was that Miss Goody-Two-Shoes aka Py who I heard?  
  
"You're spoiling the scenery." She snapped. Yup that was definitely her.  
  
"Ohhhhh.... Need your girlfriend to protect you, huh!" Sirius Black sneered,  
  
"She's not my girlfriend..." Was all I could get out. I am such a pathetic mess, I'll never drink in the morning again, I swear. This stuff was messing with my head.  
  
"Yes.... I see now, why would someone even get it into their head to go out with you?" Potter said in a soft hiss.  
  
"THAT'S IT!!! YOU ARE NOT INSULING HIM ANYMORE, UNDERSTOOD!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY WHAT OTHER DECENT PEOPLE THINK OF HIM OR COMMENT ON IT!!!!" The corwded bar fell silent and everyone was staring our way. That was quite alot of people, as the Three Broomsticks was as jammed up as a sardine can. Wow, was that Py again? How many more surprises is she going to jump on me? I turned around to face Pyscia and saw her face flushed with anger and her hand clutching the chair back so tightly that her knuckles were growing white. There was fury playing around in her face, like I have never seen before. Her eyes where growing darker and darker, like a vicious sea growling and tossing around. For a moment, one sweet moment, Potter and Black looked very shocked and very scared too. Taken aback, I'm sure they never had someone a girl yell at them in that way. Serves them right!  
  
The silence was so intense that it could have been cut by a knife. Everyone, and I mean everyone was staring our way, in disbelief that this was their Head Girl who just thrown a sort of shouting fit. So shocked I don't even think they heard what she had said.  
  
"Well of course the Dance will only end at midnight James." Hazel said loud enough for everyone in the silent bar to hear. Smart, I have to admit, hopefully it would work too, "Honestly didn't you go to the prefect meeting?"  
  
That did the trick. Everyone went back to their business and slowly the noise got turned back on. No doubt some of them would be talking and gossiping it, but it was the minimal damage done.  
  
"So we need two girls now to look after you do we?" Potter sneered returning to his seat and slamming down my bottle in front of me. I could feel my blood boiling, if this bar were Hogwarts I would have whipped around and cursed with all the Dark Magic that I knew. Next to me Pyscia took a long gulp of her fire whiskey and set it down. I could see her breathing deeply, anger overflowing from her body. Then suddenly she started muttering a soft melodic stream of foreign words, it sounded like song, so peaceful. But at the same time, you could sense some danger in it, but refusing to notice it as it was so beautiful. Just as her words died down, I was about to ask her what it was. But was distracted by some kicking struggling noise coming from behind us. I turned around and saw Potter and Black having a fit of some sort on the floor. I looked back at Pyscia, who still facing the same way, ignoring the comotion behind her, and camly took a small sip from her goblet. looked back down at the floor where the two squirming idiots lay, it looked painful and was very enjoying to watch. I'm sure if they could have made a noise, I would have wanted a pair of earmuffs, but somehow they were mute, just kicking around grabbing at their throats.  
  
"Hmmm...." Narcissa said lightly looking over at them, "Looks like someone is having a small epilepsy fit don't you think."  
  
"Yes, dear." Lucius said, "Has anyone got anything to cover these two freaks? It's disturbing for ladies to witness" Wrapping a protective arm over his girlfriend.

* * *

I don't know what had come over me, I didn't really mean to do it. It just shot out. Besides they were really being too much. Maybe it was the fire whiskey that made me do it. I don't know. I sat back staring into space as I heard the others make some comments about the Potter and Black. Calmly I helped myself to another sip of the stuff. I could feel it going down my throat, giving me a warm burning sensation. It wasn't that strong, I've had worse before. I was just wondering what stuff Severus had been drinking and wondering whether I could ask him for a sip, as that Evans bitch came up to me.  
  
"Please! Make it stop!!!" She said pleading, grabbing my sleeve and yanking it . Her face was twisted in fear and she kept on looking back at them. "Please.... I beg you! Make it stop!"  
  
"Get away from me you whore!" I spat pulling my arm out of her reach, "I don't know what you are talking about. Perhaps your little boyfriends ate something that was poisoned. You should take better care of them."  
  
I couldn't believe what she did next, she went down onto her knees tears streaming down her face. "Please I beg you!!!" she sobbed. Wow, the Gryffindors really had sunk that low.  
  
I shook my head in disgust and turned back to my drink. Someone pulled Evans up and said roughly, "She's not worth it Lily." So her name was Lily? What a weak, pathetic flowery name.  
  
Then he reached out to me and grabbed me cuff, and threatened in a would be scary voice, "You make them stop this instant or else I'll rip you apart!!!" he hissed. Hey I know who that was, it was that feeble tag along who was always sick once a month. Rip me apart? He rip me apart? Merlin, he was losing it.  
  
I was about to reply but Severus gripped his arm and squeezed it so tight that Lupin was forced to let go. "You will not place your filthy hand on her." He said dangerously.  
  
I drained my glass and set it down with a bang, as I did I heard the squirming and kicking behind me stop. And that whore going "Oh Are you alright?" As she helped her boyfriends to sit up.  
  
"Let's get out of here." I said standing up and slamming down a galleon on the counter. "Some really strange people here, I don't want to get infected."  
  
Smirking the other followed me obediently.

* * *

Outside the world was white and serene, it carpeted everything. I just loved the first snow, pristine white. It was a different world, a cleaner one, the snow muffled all the noise that should have been heard. And made everything calm and peaceful, it really was relaxing.  
  
I strolled happily along breathing in the cool fresh air. Soon Hazel and Narcissa joined me linking arms on either side.  
  
"Wow! Maraquelle, we underestimated you!" Hazel said grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Honestly!" Narcissa exclaimed, "That was absolutely awesome!!! Lucius compliments you!"  
  
"Well... yeah." I said nervously, "I said I'd act accordingly when I saw it right!"

* * *

I saw Narcissa and Hazel rush up to her as soon as we were out of earshot. They put their heads together and did some giggling. I just strolled along with Lucius, listening to some of the comments he had to make.  
  
"So what do you think?" He asked me.  
  
"What?" I asked completely unaware of what he had just said.  
  
"I asked you whether-" but I cut him off just shrugging and excusing myself.  
  
Hazel turned around and saw me walking behind, she winked and pulled Narcissa away, leaving me with Py.  
  
"Pretty isn't it..." I said catching up with her and looking around me at the white boring world. Yuk I used the word pretty! What is wrong with me?  
  
"As if you think it's pretty!" She grinned, staring up at me. I shrugged.  
  
"I was trying to be nice." I said smirking.  
  
"Well don't, it doesn't suit you!" She replied smiling.  
  
I smiled back and she blushed and quickly turned away.  
  
"Well all I want to say..." I began, I could feel the heat rising to my face, "is thank you."  
  
"I'm sorry." She said after a short silence, "I didn't mean to embarrass you."  
  
"No, no, it's ok, you didn't." I said quickly. We walked on again, in silence.  
  
I didn't know what to say or do, so I just kept walking. But as every step I took I could feel the silence growing getting thicker and thicker, slowly suffocating me.  
  
"So what was the spell that you used?" I asked just to bring up a conversation, "I mean was it even a spell? You didn't use a wand did you?"  
  
"Ohhh, just some magic that I learned from my mother." She replied casually, "It's commonly known as Fish Out of Water, it won't kill them just make them suffer as a fish out of water would."  
  
"No wonder they were clawing their throats." I replied, "Looked painful." "It is." was her reply.  
  
Then silence. Again. I hate that bitch. Silence I mean, not Py.  
  
We walked on further ahead of the others. It became unbearable. So I grabbed her hand and held it in mine, like I had seen Lucius do before. I felt her hand stiffen, but them relax as she held on to mine. She looked up and smiled, her eyes a soft pale blue. I saw her shiver and saw that she was only wearing her robes. Quickly, one-handedly I wrapped my cloak around her too. It was big enough, it would keep both of us warm.  
  
"Oh... Thanks..." She muttered, saying something about how she left her cloak and gloves behind at the bar and moved closer to me. It was sort of uncomfortable holing hands and trying to keep under the cloak so I put my arm around her shoulder. We walked on again, in a pleasant silence this time. I could hear her soft breaths and it broke the silence. Then she started playing a game seeing how much mist she could blow out and we both ended up laughing as I blew a few rings saying, "And this is how Dumbledore smokes!" How I got that pathetically lame, I don't know. Was she messing with my mind?  
  
The rest of the day we just spent lounging around in the common room re- acting the fits and pigging out on food Lucius had bought from Honeydukes. An hour later Regelus joined us and things got more funny. Finally the common room began to empty and we departed off to our various dormitories. It was a day worth remembering.

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A/N: ok please review, if you don't I'll get Py to try out her new 'Fish Out of Water' jinx on you. I'd love to see the effect. Sorry slowly turning in to a Slytherin. Damn those people. (kk don't get too freaked 'twas a joke.) 


	4. Pride and Potions

Ok next chapter! This one is considerately long, but I think it's pretty good. Just a bit more about the relationship between our main characters. I'd really appreciate if you reviewed as well as read it (points at rain warrior). And thanks to everyone who does! And as usual if you see any mistakes, don't hesitate to point them out!  
  
Disclaimer: The world of Harry Potter and company does NOT belong to me, please remember this as I can't be bothered to put a disclaimer every chapter!

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**Pride and Potions**  
  
I ran in late. The whole class stared at me as I came in. Some of them were friendly ones, likes the ones that my friends, Hazel, Narcissa, Lucius and Severus flashed me. The others were from the Gryffindor's mostly, angry glares, wondering whether I would get away with it this time. I recollected myself and strode serenely in. Ignoring everyone's stares and seating myself calmly next to Hazel.  
  
"Agghhh... Miss Pyscia!" Our potions master acclaimed, "Good to see you!"  
  
"You too sir!" I said brightly, flashing a smile.  
  
"Now, may I know what held you back?" He asked. I knew that was coming, easy, this time I didn't even need to lie.  
  
"A Gryffindor," I waited for the words to sink in. The effect was marvelous. The Gryffindors glared at me loathingly, knowing that I had made it up. Well, they were wrong this time. "third year, was throwing some nasty spell at some of our first years. As Headgirl I had to stop it, sir."  
  
"How thoughtful of you!" he said, "Ten points from Gryffindor, for the delay of this young lady's class."  
  
The room erupted in shouts and protests from the Gryffindors. The Slytherins just smiled victoriously. Looking smug and disbelieving at the Gryffindors for causing the uproar.  
  
"That's not fair sir!" Lily Evans whined, "She made it up!"  
  
"Yeah, they always do that!" someone else added.  
  
"She was just snogging another of her boyfriends!" I spun around, who dare say that? I was furious. It was Potter. That fool doesn't know what he got himself into.  
  
"I don't even have one, Potter." I said icily, loud enough for everyone to hear. "Not like you, who has ten girls curled around his leg in bed." He stood up in a rage, knocking his desk and chair over. Creating a loud echoing bang on the tiled floor. He pointed his finger at me, shaking violently, anger overwhelming him and depriving him of speech.  
  
"POTTER!" the professor bellowed. "Sit down and lower your finger, before I take more points from your house."  
  
I shook my head at him in a taunting way and smirked at Hazel. She gave me an approving nod and the lesson started.  
  
"As you all know, the N.E.W.Ts are soon coming, and you should have completed all the learning tasks I set you last month." I had and the rest of the lesson just flowed over the top of my head. I looked around me, looking for some form of distraction. I turned around in my seat and caught that Sirius Black staring at me again. I gave him the death stare and slammed a note on his table.  
  
"Stare at your own butt! Or be mince." It said. He looked at me in disbelieve mixed with an anger, that was slowly erupting. And then it exploded.  
  
He scrunched up the parchment into a small compact ball and threw it at my head. It just bounced of the top of my head and fell onto the floor across the aisle and came to rest at Severus's feet. He looked up curiously and caught my eyes, he gave me a questioning glance and picked up the piece of paper. Unraveling it, he read it and he gave me an even more puzzled look.  
  
He shook it mouthing, "Who's is it?"  
  
I budged my head back in the direction of Sirius, and he gave me an understanding nod. Throwing it back at Sirius Black, who was busy copying down notes from the black board. Sirius Black looked up, an annoyed, very angry expression playing up on his face. He took the small piece of paper and glared at Severus once more pulping it to a small ball and throwing it back with a significant amount of force.  
  
"You throw it back..." He mouthed at Severus, and then made a slashing motion across his neck and continued on with his work. I watched, Severus just shrugged and went on with his work. What! They weren't going on? Just stop. Like that! Why did he just let Sirius Black do that to him! Once more I turned around and slammed my palm on his desk, Sirius Black looked up and I stuck my rude finger at him. He frowned and then swiftly kicked the bottom of my chair, making a loud thud as his foot made contact with the wood. Severus looked up again, along with a few others and hissed softly at Black.  
  
"Stop harassing her!"  
  
"Bloody hell I was not!!!" Sirius argued back, his voice rising with every syllable.  
  
"Is that so Black?" out teacher asked acidly, then turning to Severus said, "Severus tell me."  
  
"He was sir." Came Severus's definite reply.  
  
"I was not!" Sirius Black spat, gripping the sides of the table,  
  
"Was he Pyscia, dear?" My head of house asked turning to me.  
  
I nodded sweetly, giving him my most innocent look.  
  
"Well Mr Black looks like we have to deduct another fifty points from Gryffindor." He said in a final no arguing voice. But the Gryffindors weren't going to hear the end of this.  
  
"She provoked him!!!" James roared, inviting all the other Gryffindors to join in the protest.  
  
"SILENCE!" he teacher roared back, "Another ten points from Gryffindor. Perhaps that will warn you of further disruptions Potter!"  
  
The class went on silently with the occasional snicker coming from our side of the room. I checked my watch. Yes! It was ten minutes before lunch, I could go! I had a lovely head boy and girl meeting to attend.  
  
I stood up gracefully picking up my belongings and told Hazel I'd meet her for lunch. Then straightening up and turning to the teacher, "Umm... professor, sir I have to leave, I have a head girl and head boy meeting." He just nodded and smiled.

* * *

Gosh, some meeting that was! It was all about how the Dark Lord's strength was growing and that we should encourage all students to remain at Hogwarts during the holidays. There had been many raids around the country and Deatheater numbers were rising as he spoke. I really didn't know why he was telling me all this, being in Slytherin, those were one of the things we celebrated. The Christmas Dance being an incentive for more people to stay the headmaster, Dumbledore, wanted us to make a big deal out of it and hang posters everywhere. Even the first years were welcome. It really must be that bad, if he let the first years attend. We nodded and agreed with everything he said. Finally he put the tips of his fingers together and stared at us through his crescent-moon spectacles with his blue eyes.  
  
"Anything you need to add perhaps?" he asked hopefully.  
  
"Ummm.... Sir." I began, "Don't you think the hall would be too crowded? So crowded perhaps that people will be forced to go outside..." Hopefully he would get the hint.  
  
"She has a point, sir." David Harrison, from Ravenclaw, said, "The Great Hall is big enough to hold all the students easily, but this is a dance, we will need more space then we usually do."  
  
"Yes..." Dumbledore thoughtfully, "What about opening up the Entrance Hall too?"  
  
"But where will everyone meet from different Houses?" David asked, "There would be too much confusion, especially for the first years."  
  
"Very true..." the Headmaster said, then turning to me, "What do you think Pyscia?"  
  
"Well, sir, I really think that inviting the first, second and third years is a bit too much..." hmmm... how could I put this in a non-offensive way? "Perhaps the Dance could end early for them...at say nine, but go on for the senior years."  
  
"Excellent idea!" I sighed of relief. Good at least we won't have a bunch of ankle-biters bugging us all night.  
  
"If that's all sir," David asked, "May we go? It's nearly lunch time."  
  
"Sure, sure." He dismissed us.  
  
Once outside David let out a breath of relief and said, "Well nice one Py! Thank Merlin we won't have the junior years running around!"  
  
I smiled, David was a nice person and a good Head Boy too.  
  
"Yeah I'd prefer dancing, than herding lost first years around." I said.  
  
"Who are you going with?" he asked me all of a sudden.  
  
"Don't tell me Head Boy and Girl have to open the Dance!" I said in mock horror.  
  
"Was just a question!" he said defensively lifting his shoulders.  
  
"Well, then I'm going with Severus Snape." I said grinning.  
  
"Spare me a dance perhaps?" Davis asked hopefully.  
  
"Nah... I don't think so!" I said cheekily, "Nice try though!"  
  
"Well, see you later!" He said heading off down the corridor to where I supposed the Ravenclaw common room was.  
  
I headed back to the dungeons, it wasn't lunchtime yet. I was happily walking along, trying to dodge other people who were just streaming out of the classrooms either side of me. There was a large crowd around the dungeons and I went to investigate. I was just about to shout "Head Girl here, please move aside." As I heard two very familiar voices shouting at each other.  
  
"You bloody better get out of my way!" I heard Severus yell.  
  
"Or else what huh?" came Sirius Black's taunting voice, "You'll prod me with your wand? Or you'll get your girlfriend to hex me? Ohhhhh..... I'm so scared!"  
  
What was with Black? Did he always have to refer to me as Severus's girlfriend? And why did he always have to use it as an insult? Couldn't he come up with better ones!  
  
I edged closer to the center, where they stood facing each other wands drawn and preparing to duel.  
  
"This is for being the miserable prat that you are!" Black shouted and threw a hex at Severus. Severus started dodging as if an invisible force was beating him up, soon he was covered in bruises and had a trickle of blood streaming down his lip. I was going to burst through and hex Black with the most painful spell I knew. But I quickly regained myself remembering that it would tarnish Severus's reputation. I stepped back and muttered a soft melodic flow of words and at the same time as Severus raised his wand to curse Black back I released them. It was a wonderful effect. Black was thrown back against the wall and blue boils started erupting all over his face. I walked back out of the corridor and re- entered with full gusto.  
  
"Head Girl coming through!" I ordered, "Please move aside!" People parted for me and I stalked through with an important air towards Severus.  
  
"All right there, Severus?" I asked, touching his arm, "You're bleeding!"  
  
"Oh, no I'm fine thanks!" he said, surprised to see me. "I thought you were at a meeting."  
  
"Oh I was," I said, mopping away the blood from his lip with a clean handkerchief. "It ended early."  
  
"Hmmm..." He said pulling the handkerchief out of my hand and cleaning himself up.  
  
"You!" I said pointing to a fourth year Ravenclaw, "Go call Madam Promfey!"  
  
Then turning around to the crowd of on lookers, "What are you standing here for! Go to lunch!"  
  
"What happened?" I asked Severus as we were walking back to the Great Hall.  
  
"Oh, the usual," he said shrugging, "Black wanted to get me back for what happened in Potions."  
  
"He did look very vicious didn't he!" I said.  
  
"Yeah..." he replied, "But what I don't get is that the spell that I used... wasn't meant to give that effect."  
  
"Well, maybe angling the wand slightly and muttering the incantation slightly differently can cast a very different spell." I said wisely, hoping that he wouldn't suspect me.  
  
"Hey, can you help me some time with the Invisibility Potion?" I asked him, "I really don't get it, should you stir it anti-clock wise three times under the full moon or should you stir it anti-clock wise during the full moon."  
  
"I have some time after lunch...." He said slowly, "Maybe we could work on it then, alright?"  
  
"Yes, that would be great!" I said happily, "Thank you so much!"  
  
We met up with Hazel, Regelus, Narcissa and Lucius for lunch, and then separated as we went of for our individual studies. Severus and I went to the dungeons to work on my Invisibility Potion.  
  
We entered the small chamber and I shut the door behind me, the potion was sensitive to light, and so I only lit a small candle in the corner of the room. It was standing in the center of the room, in a small copper cauldron suspended by a chain over the fire.  
  
"Here!" I showed him it, "It's meant to be crystal clear by now, but it just looks all foggy and clouded."  
  
"Well, apart from that it's ok." Severus said slowly, "But... you didn't add enough Devil's Cape..."  
  
He grabbed a small amount of dried shriveled up dry roots with a nasty odour and started pounding them up finely. The room was filled with a disgusting rotting fume and he threw it into the cauldron. Then slowly he lifted the ladle and stirred it until a light smoke hung over the potion.  
  
"There that should be better!" He said straightening up and brushing his robes off, "I've never seen one like this! How long did it take you to make it?"  
  
"A week..." I replied.  
  
"That's quick!" He exclaimed, then bending over he examined the potion again, "Don't they normally take two months to brew?"  
  
"Yes..." I said slowly, "But I added a Quickening Potion to it so that it would speed up."  
  
"Very smart!" he said giving me a smile, "I wouldn't have thought of it myself."  
  
"Yeah... I was practicing it for the N.E.W.Ts...." I replied returning his smile, "Which potion did you choose?"  
  
"Oh the Elixir one." He replied as if it were nothing, the Elixir Potion was the hardest one on the list, taking nearly a whole moon cycle to brew and it had to be completed within the three hour time limit of our tests. How he was going to do it I had no idea.  
  
"Isn't that one hard?" I asked.  
  
"No, not now once you told me how to quicken things up!" he said grinning.  
  
"What can it exactly do?" I asked while ladling some of my potion and bottling it.  
  
"It cures most ailments and prolongs life if you are mortally wounded." Came his reply.  
  
I took another small bottle and filled it up handing it to Severus, "Here you can have this."  
  
"Thanks." He mumbled pocketing it and scratching his neck. His black hair fell in front of his face and he looked down. An awkward silence followed. He looked up again and grinned, I didn't know what to say... Words failed me and I only managed to blush and stare at my feet. The room was dimly lit and I couldn't see the expression on his face. I was lucky, because if he could see mine I would have so embarrassed. Right now I was sure that my face was a deep red colour, I must have looked like some tomato with black curls.  
  
He walked past me and stooped down, and pressed a soft kiss against my cheek. My heart stopped beating and I froze on the spot. All I could do was look up and smile goofily, he returned my smile and strode out of the room, closing the door behind him. Was I daydreaming? Hallucinations perhaps? Or was I really the luckiest girl in the world?  
  
Disgusted by myself and my thoughts, I left the room to return to the Slytherin Tower. It was nearly half past five and I had promised Hazel and Narcissa to work on our gowns for the Dance.  
  
I tried to keep my mind on how to produce an elegant evening gown from the grotesque rags we had bought. But my mind kept trailing to a certain young man. I never really had thought much about him. Well, not until today. I had always taken him for granted, we were just always friends. Hazel and I used to tease him, for his greasy hair and lack of posture. But over the years the teasing had turned into an informal friendship.... He was more like an elder brother to us, watching over us. He too had changed, perhaps being friends with Lucius had given him more confidence. He now walked with grace and elegance, head held high with a proud feel. His hair had lost it's greasiness after Hazel had suggested very rudely that he wash it everyday, in our fifth year. So from a scrawny greasy haired kid, who was prone to Hazel's teasing, he became a handsome young man, who was capable of making me blush.  
  
Never, ever in my life has someone been able to make me blush. If they tried to swoon over me, I would just flick them off. But Severus was some how different.

* * *

I was forced to leave the room. What else could I have done? I kissed her and then what? Wait for her to respond and flirt or what? I don't know what came over me... We just used to be friends... She and Hazel found it amusing to tease me. I let them, they were younger than me by nine months. Pretty little things they were. I guess I sort of took it upon my self to look after them. I was always sort of hovering near them, in the background making sure they weren't getting hurt. I guess they were like the sisters or siblings I never had. Or the family I never will have. When Hazel got dumped by her first boyfriend, she was an emotional wreck. I took it upon myself to chase the guy up and pound him till he wished he were never born. When Pyscia or Hazel or both fell victim to Potter's taunting it was my instinct to snap back.  
  
I knew Pyscia's brother, Erique, quite well. We both had a fascination for potions and dark arts. We visited each other often, and I used to watch Pyscia in the distance playing with her dolls or just frolicking around. She never joined us, usually she would have some friends around and she used to say that potions bored her so terribly. We had never spoken more than a few words to each other, mainly consisting of 'hellos' and 'goodbyes' and 'why the hell would you mess with potion sets! It's a bloody waste of time!' Then one day, near the end of summer, Erique pulled us aside and told his little sister, "Pyscia, you know who this is right?" She folded her arms and scowled, "Of course I do, idiot! He's Severus Snape."  
  
"Yes and you two are going to start Hogwarts this summer." He said in an adult voice.  
  
"WE KNOW!" she spat, angrily. "If you are done with telling us that we are starting Hogwarts would you please excuse me and go away? Sirius and Hazel are coming over."  
  
"Sirius Black?" I asked curiously.  
  
"Yeah him!" she said in a politer tone, then turning back to her brother she snapped, "So are you done yet or what?"  
  
"Nearly," he replied, "I asked Sev to keep and eye on you in Hogwarts, he's older and will help you with things..."  
  
"Fine, whatever!" she said and stomped off to join her friends.  
  
"Why don't you go join them?" Erique suggested, "I have something to check up on."  
  
Reluctantly I had joined them in their play, they all had their broomsticks out and were holding races. Pyscia let me borrow her old broom and I raced them a few times. I felt slightly left out; Hazel and Pyscia were loud and flamboyant screaming and shouting as they sped past. Sirius was no better, laughing and shouting them on. Hazel and Pyscia were considered little angles with their brown and black locks and sparkling blue eyes. Sirius was a handsome young lad with glossy black hair and twinkling brown eyes. They all had an aristocratic look, they way they moved about and dressed. I was just a little boy with drooping shoulders and greasy hair, a thin shallow face with a hooked nose. How I got along with the three I don't know.  
  
I thought we'd be close friends in Hogwarts, the four of us, like a clique. But things never went the way I thought they would.  
  
When Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor. It was a huge shock to Hazel and Pyscia and they tried to persuade him to change. But he wouldn't listen and slowly they started to grow apart. They made friends with Narcissa Black and she told them how Sirius had betrayed her family. The was had only just begun.

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A/N: Please review! Everything is welcome. Tell me if Severus is turning into a softie or not. And if Pyscia is too much of a Sue. Pax be to all! 


	5. The Missing Spirit

Right... this didn't turn out quite as I expected it to... But anyway here it is! Thank you so much, all of you, for reading and reviewing this story!!! Sorry this chapter might be a bit long... but it's necessary. Oh yeah before I forget, don't hesitate pointing out the mistakes! Ramona-Eline: Mary Sue means perfect in all possible ways (at least I think so). Like special powers, sweet tempered, friends with Dumbledore etc... Some people can't stand them, but I don't really mind.  
  
Disclaimer: same as usual.  
  
Thanks to my beta-reader Rain Warrior!

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**The Missing Spirit**

For the hundredth time my reflection peered at me in the mirror, turning this way and that inspecting me from all angles. Her long shiny, silk, turquoise gown fitted perfectly, making me look thin and elegant, or at least so I hoped.   
  
I have never been so self-conscience in my entire life, something must have really got to my head, maybe because it was the last year at Hogwarts, so the last Dance and so the last time for everything to be perfect... Or maybe it was Severus.... Nah, I stuffed that thought in the back of my head as I spun around in front of the mirror, my curls danced around on my shoulders and swirled as I kept spinning and spinning. I was dizzy and lightheaded, but a smile played across my face. It felt good. But then somebody poked me hard in the ribs and I squealed and turned around to grab Hazel.  
  
"Honestly!" She said in an annoyed tone, "You look like a lunatic!!!"  
  
I grasped, covering my mouth with my hand and using the other to smooth my gown. "Really?"  
  
"No!" Narcissa said kindly and tied my hair back with a few locks of my hair, "Of course not, Hazel was just being mean. You look gorgeous!"  
  
I sighted and fell back onto my bed with a huge smile on my face. "So what time is it?" I asked by the way, seeing Hazel's impatient frown. Hazel used her temper to hide everything. Especially when it came to Regelus... she didn't really know how to express it to us. I smiled and shrugged, shaking my head dreamily. It was just too tempting, I just had to annoy Hazel and her back for all the times when she teased me!  
  
"TIME TO GO!!!" Hazel snapped, grabbing her shawl and dragging Narcissa along, "Pyscia! GET. UP!"  
  
"No..." I said sleepily, "Too dizzy, you two go first! I'll follow after!"  
  
"Whatever!" Hazel said, slamming the door behind her.  
  
"Just make sure you do come, alright!" Narcissa said anxiously. "Don't keep Severus waiting!" She added with a cheeky grin, before following Hazel out.  
  
I nodded and sighed. It was times like these that brought back memories.... things were so confusing, my whole life flashed before my eyes.  
  
I was throwing water at a seven-year-old Sirius.  
  
Hazel and I put on our first make up, Sirius came in and made a gagging noise, we pinned him down and put lipstick on him.  
  
Sirius stuffed a fist full of snow done my jacket; I turned around and stuffed my snowball in his face.  
  
Mum told me Erique was at some kid's place.  
  
Erique called me and introduced me to some skinny, whiny, greasy, black- haired kid, I smiled, then ran of to throw Sirius of the broomstick.  
  
I chased Sirius screaming at him to give back my doll, he yelled back and I pelted a stone at him. I ran into that greasy kid again, I knocked him over and told him to get out of my way.  
  
Hazel, Sirius and I spied as Erique and his greasy friend sat peering over a small silver cauldron, Sirius picked up a small piece of gravel and threw it into the green liquid that was bubbling and spiting, Hazel and I went hysteric with giggles as we made a run for it. Erique and his greasy friend ran after us roaring with anger and cursing us. We his under a bush, I was so scared, I had never seen my brother that mad before, that I cried. Sirius put an arm around me and told me things would be ok. I asked him if he promised, he said yes...  
  
The sun was dying, my brother was calling me again, he told me that his greasy friend Severus would look after me in Hogwarts. I snapped at him and nearly told him that I didn't need him too and that Sirius would look after me. But I didn't and he joined us in our broom-race.  
  
Sirius got sorted into a different house, I cried myself to sleep. Narcissa comforted me.  
  
Severus sat next to me in Potions, Sirius's new friends teased me because I was so small. Severus punched him. Sirius stood and watched.  
  
My memories, some happy, some sad, some confused were all floating up again. I could feel the adrenalin slowly flow out of me... I couldn't think of what happened next... I just couldn't. Suddenly I felt very depressed. I hated Sirius now. I loathed him. I still do. More memories came....  
  
"Hey Py!" Sirius threw some hay at me, we were lying on top of the hay stack at my uncle's farm.  
  
"What!" I asked annoyed, I had been looking out for Hazel across the field. She had got into trouble by scaring the cows off, now she had to clean out the chicken pen.  
  
"You know at the end of school?" he began.  
  
"What school?" I snapped. Covering my eyes with my hand hoping to see Hazel running back.  
  
"Hogwarts dummy!" he said sounding slightly frustrated, and rolled over so that he was facing the sky. The soft red tinge reflected of his eyes making him look mystical, as if he were made out of smoke.  
  
"Yeah what about it?" I asked vaguely, still peering out for Hazel.  
  
"At our last year there, there's this dance my cousin always talks about. Will you go with me?"  
  
"Yeah...." I said absentmindedly.  
  
"Promise?" he asked, so shocked that I gave in so quickly.  
  
"Uh-huh.... HAZEL!!! DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO LICK THE POOP OFF THE FLOOR LIKE AUNTY BETTY SAID YOU WOULD!?!"  
  
I felt so sad... Like something was missing... Why did my stupid reminiscences have to come back at this particular moment and ruin everything! I bolted up again and stood in front of the mirror once more. I turned this way and that hoping my thoughts would leave me. But they didn't.  
  
"At our last year there... there's this dance my cousin always talks about. Will you go with me? Will you go with me? Will you go with me? Will you go with me? Will you go with me?" It echoed through my head.  
  
I narrowed my eyes. "You are not letting this come back to you!" I spat at my reflection. "What is done is done!" And I patted my hair and smiled at my reflection before running down the steps into the common room were Severus stood waiting for me.  
  
He looked absolutely handsome, in his blue velvet robes. He smiled. Something he never does.... I smiled back and realized for the first time how good looking he was. I muttered something about sorry for being late, but he just smiled and I blushed as he held out his arm.  
  
"Ready to go?" I nodded and gratefully took his arm. My thoughts vanished and I was occupied in blushing and muttering things as we made our way out of the room. I even shoed Sebastian, my owl, off when he flew down at top speed picking at my hair to deliver something.

* * *

I checked my watch for the hundredth time; Hazel and Narcissa had gone ten minutes ago... what took her so long? I was about to call, when the door burst open and she came rushing down the steps, apologizing for taking so long. She was so pretty, her blue dress suited her perfectly, her black curls flowing behind her and she rushed up to me. She smiled and I smiled back, offering her my arm. She took it and we made our way to the over- crowded, people stinking hall.  
  
It was already full with the music roaring over our heads. And people standing around the edge of the dim hall, most of them were losers, like Pettigrew and other rejects. Normally I would be one of them looking on jealously as Lucius danced with all the girls, but not this time. And I smirked arrogantly and some of them stared at me in disbelief.  
  
"Merlin! That isn't Snivellus Snape is it?"  
  
"How the hell did he get a girl?!"  
  
"And a good looking one too!"  
  
I smirked and turned to Pyscia, who was glaring at them.  
  
"Ignore them, Py!" I said gently, "They're not worth it!"  
  
"Do you know what they called you?" She asked angrily, turning to me with an angry face.  
  
"No, but I don't want it to spoil your evening." I said smoothly. Her face softened and muttered, "Yeah you're right... just getting a bit too over- excited."  
  
I nodded and walked to the center of the room, pulling her along. We stood there for a while, before I realized how stupid I was.  
  
"So do you want to dance?" I asked her nervously.  
  
"What else did you come here for then Severus Snape?" she retorted with a grin.  
  
"To be with you?" I asked, shrugging.  
  
"Fair enough!" she said cheekily and pulled me onto the dance floor. She held my hand and guided me most of the dance. Laughing, whenever I did something wrong or made a fool of myself. I always hated dancing, and I still do. But somehow... dancing was interesting with Pyscia... we laughed and bumped into other people. Her hair swung freely around her pink flushed faced, she was smiling all the time and her eyes were like little waves dancing about in the sea.  
  
She looked so happy; I couldn't help smiling at her... Ok I was beaming at her. I couldn't stop myself, all my troubles, all my fears seemed to have vanished. Then, I just wished for it to last forever the music died down and was replaced by a soft melody. Couples around us started moving in towards each other and the atmosphere completely changed.  
  
Yuck, it was like one of those things Narcissa would say, "Love is in the air..." Pyscia looked around her, wondering whether to sit down or not, she turned around about to leave when I plucked up all my courage and placed my hand on her small hips. She looked up at me and gave me a grateful smile placing her arms around my neck. I didn't move in any closer, I didn't want to push her. I had observed many other men do so before. Trying to get close to her during a slow-dance. She just pushed them off, telling them she didn't feel like dancing, or that she was too hot. I didn't want to do that to her. I didn't want to hurt her. I was contended to just dance with her like that, a distance apart. She needed her time. But to my surprise she made another step and laid her head on my shoulders, her whole body pressed up against mine. I could feel her soft breath on my neck and her small hand curled around my neck. I slowly wrapped my arms around her waist waiting for her reaction. None came and so I shuffled from foot to foot. She sighed and looked up at me, her eyes a soft pale blue, "I wish this could go on forever..." she whispered. "Me too..." I replied giving her a kiss on the forehead. Everything was going the way I planned. For once in my life I was truly happy, like I have never been before. Then the darned bloody music faded away and I nearly cursed out loud.  
  
"You want to dance some more?" she asked. I could see she didn't want to, so I shook my head and wrapped my arm around her waist as we made our way through the crowd. Her waist was so small that my hand was resting on her stomach, the place where one day our child would be... But for now, things had to be taken slowly... I didn't want to loose what I had. I lead her to a small bench and she sat down next to me her head resting on my chest, I wrapped my arm around her and just sat there. After a while I felt stupid... Did I forget something? Suddenly I remembered.  
  
"Do you want a drink?" I asked as coolly as I could. She nodded and I stood up.

* * *

The second he was gone, I could have kicked myself for wanting a drink. Even if I did get a sore throat, nothing was better than having his arm wrapped around me. I felt so safe, so comfortable in his arms. The way his chest rose with every breath he took and the way he kept smiling down at me. He never smiled, but when he did he seemed a totally different person. Severus always looked worried or angry about something. It seemed that he always had a grouch. When I first met him I thought he must be the most unpleasant person I could have the misfortune of meeting. But then I slowly learned that his childhood wasn't as good as mine had been, and that he had all the reason to be grouchy and bad tempered.  
  
I searched the dancing crowd for Hazel and Narcissa. I soon Hazel and Regelus dancing hand in hand, laughing at some probably obscene joke, knowing Regelus. They were so perfect together, I couldn't help smiling. Hazel with her hot-headed temper and sarcasm and Regelus with the male- version of it.  
  
Narcissa and Lucius were somewhat harder to find, but eventually I spotted them shuffling arm in arm and staring adoringly into each other eyes. Satisfied that I had seen my friends, I turned back just to stare aimlessly at the crowd in front of me, when the most horrible thing stood appeared in front of me. Now if just the thought of Sirius Black could rue the day, then what could the sight and the sound of him be? Obnoxious! He was talking to me, but I hardly heard him as I was still trying to recover from my rather unpleasant shock.  
  
"Sorry Black, but what did you say!" I demanded in a meanest voice I could muster.  
  
"I was wondering if I could have a dance with my fiancée!" He asked in a rather loud annoyed tone. Fiancée? Who the hell did he mean? But he looked at me meaningfully and held out his hand.  
  
"Don't need to shout!" I spat, "And, NO! You may not dance with me! By the looks of it you're drunk, so will you please go away!"  
  
Luckily Severus came back at that moment or Black would have been sorry he ever lived.  
  
"What's wrong Py?" He asked handing me my drink, "What's that doing here?" He added throwing a disgusted look at Black.  
  
I shrugged, taking a long sip of my drink.  
  
"Black if you have no business here... Will you kindly get lost!" He asked politely, but with a cold tone, sitting down and putting a protective arm around me.  
  
"I have business here..." He said coolly, "I was just wondering if my fiancée cared to have a dance with me."  
  
I laughed nearly choking on my drink, but abruptly stopped as I saw the seriousness in his face.  
  
"If you don't belief me check your owl!" Sirius Black said frustrated before turning around and disappearing in the crowd.  
  
Sometimes I can be so thick! This was one of those times. I just shook my head in disbelief and sipped at my drink.

* * *

Suddenly she threw down her glass and ran out of the room, leaving a bewildered Severus behind. It was as if the clock had struck twelve and Cinderella had to run back home or her coach would turn back into an orange garden vegetable and her coach-men into household pests.  
  
She ran out of the room, not seeing anything. Just blindly running. Away from fear, away from reality, she just wanted nothing more than to keep running.  
  
Soon Severus got over his shock and he too, like an idiot ran after her, shouting her name and gathering quite a few onlookers.  
  
He found her at the foot of the staircase with her hands covering her face, sobbing hysterically. Her breath came in haggard grasps and her face was a mess. She shook her head furiously in disbelief and moaned, "No, no! This cannot be... no... no..."  
  
He gathered her into his arms and asked her what was wrong, but she was beyond words and just kept on sobbing into his shoulder, making a damp patch on his robes with her tears.

* * *

Her eyes were red and swollen and huge tears ran down her face. I hugged her and demanded to know what caused all this, but she just shook her head and continued sobbing. I ran my hand over her back in circles, hoping to calm her down.  
  
"It's ok! Everything will be alright..." I whispered softly. But it didn't have the desired effect.  
  
"NO!" she screamed pushing away from me, "Things will not be ok! Things will not be alright! You DON'T UNDERSTAND, Severus!!!"  
  
"THEN MAYBE IF YOU TELL ME I COULD!!!" I spat back, immediately regretting what I had done. "Sorry... I didn't mean to shout Py, but please tell me!"  
  
"It's a long story..." she said shaking her head and sitting down against the wall.  
  
"I don't care." I said seating myself down next to her.  
  
"When-- Sirius and I were best friends before we entered Hogwarts," she began, not sure where to start, "our parents were good friends and we knew each other from the day we were born... We played together a lot as you might have seen on a few occasions. Well we got on so well that one day jokingly his parents suggested getting us betrothed, so that when I was older, my parents didn't need to look after me all the time and make sure I was going out with the right men. My farther laughed and said it would be a good idea. That was the end of it... Or so we thought. The next year, around Christmas time his parents got on the subject again, this time seriously and well they agreed to formally betroth us. Now, we knew about it but it was more like "we're going to marry!" "fun huh!". We never thought of it in any other way."  
  
A wave of nausea belted over me, I didn't feel like vomiting... But definitely something close to it. Perhaps it was that hope that Black really was drunk. She sighed deeply and looked away from me, I knew what was coming next.  
  
"Then when Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor..." She stopped, it probably was a painful memory for her. But I urged her to continue.  
  
"I met him one day in the corridor and I said, "this betrothal thing... is it still-" he interrupted and said something like "You bet it is not!" and smirked. I thought it was really true. I never hated him more than that day. I thought he'd make sure that it was cancelled totally. Looks like he never did..."  
  
"But why the hell would he think that it's still on?" I demanded.  
  
"Our parents... It's part of a plan perhaps. A plan to get Sirius back into "better society". I had quite a bit of influence on him, I think they hope that that is still the case."  
  
"Then how do you know it's not one of his stupid pranks?" I asked in a hopefully.  
  
"Because, he told me to check my owl. And he's right, my parents did send me a letter, Sebastian was trying to deliver it to me but I was in a rush to go..."  
  
"Well then, go read the letter!" I said dragging her up and pushing her unwillingly into the common room. Upon entry, Sebastian swooped down and dropped a letter at Py's feet. She picked it up and went over to the sofa sitting down and tearing open the envelope.  
  
She didn't read it but handed it to me. "Please, you read it! I can't..." And she placed her head in her hands.  
  
But I took it and sat down next to her reading it aloud.  
  
"Dearest Pyscia, We are overjoyed to announce your official engagement to Sirius Black!..." Stunned she looked up in front of her. Her face was pale and ghostly.  
  
"It's a joke right?" I hoped lamely. She shook her head as silent tears fell from her dark blue eyes.  
  
"WHAT!" I jumped up, rage and disbelief rushed over me. I thought it was a prank to hurt Pyscia. Well I got one part right.  
  
"No... no... no. NO!!!" In fury I kicked a small table, sending it flying against the wall. This did no good as it only made Py cry louder and I rushed over to comfort her.  
  
My life never goes the way I want it to. Never.

* * *

A/N: Please review! And thanks to all those who do, it really means a lot to me!!!  
Pax be to all! 


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